It could come crashing down
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Every time I fly somewhere, it becomes more and more apparent that we are in weighty trouble. I’m sitting on a plane right now where eight people have already had to move just to spread the weight around so that it can get off the ground.
The guy in front of me needed a seat belt extender, the guy beside me needs liposuction, and the woman across the aisle, well, let’s just say that her sweat pants are, ah making everyone sweat! They are making planes smaller, but we have made our butts bigger.
The not so subtle waist band expansions have marched on without interruption from 32 to 34, 36 to 38 and finally the big push to 40, a push which is on with vengeance. If I continue at my present pace, by the time I’m 87, I’ll weigh about 331 pounds, and the planes will be limited to one big person per row at $4,200 a seat.
As this plane taxis, there are body squeaks, creaks, groans, and gasps that make even a seasoned traveler a little nervous. It seems evident that one or two extra suitcases could mean the difference between lifting off and just having to park this big bird. If flying was not enough of a challenge already, add to the total discomfort that we aisle sitters experience by the endless smacking, bumping, and pinching that will plague us as passing back sides careen through the aisles to and from the bathroom.
So, what’s happened to us? Let’s take a look back at the way this whole biggie body thing got started. It kind of snuck up on us. Part of it was just the baby boomer aging process. Like everything else in our boomer lives, we embraced the middle-age spread thing with great delight.
Another part of our transformation was the dollar menu, that major competitive edge that every fast food company employed during the 90s. These menus always included the Biggie drinks. It was a no-brainer. Why would anyone want an 8 oz. drink when they could get a 32 oz. drink?
Why take a single cheese burger when you can get a triple cheese burger with bacon, pickles and whatever the heck else will fit between two buns ... but not into your wide open mouth? I’m thinking that a lot of TMJ cases might have evolved from super burger stuffing.
And why cook when you can eat out? Why eat a reasonable amount of food when you can eat a mountain of food?
What else happened? The price of food went down. When I was a kid, it cost my parents 18 percent of their income to feed us; we can feed our modern day families for only 9 percent. That’s the good news. The bad news is that food that used to have three ingredients now has dozens, all of which are unpronounceable. It might be cheap, but enough processed food will eventually even make your dog go nuts, and that’s a fact!
So, here are some solutions. Every Sunday, do what the really slender people do in Montreal; just say no. Don’t eat anything. Just drink water all day. Avoid food of any kind at all costs. Detox your body with the water that comes in those plastic bottles; you know, the ones that might be causing you all of your other problems. Another option is to have someone lock you in a locker at the bus station. (Are there still lockers in bus stations?) Really, after a week in there, you will be thinner.
If these solutions are too extreme, how about pushing yourself away from the table, and if none of these work, buy really big clothes. Even if you don’t drop any weight, you will look like you did, and that’s a good start!
(Nick Jacobs, Windber, international director for SunStone Consulting, LLC is the author of the blog Healinghospitals.com.)
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