I was going to write about how the leaf gods turned on me this year.
How an ill wind blew, an ill wind being one that sweeps my neighbor's lawn clean and deposits his leaves on mine.
But then I thought, why am I telling you this? No one cares about someone else's leaves.
So then it occurred to me I could write about this study that found 10 percent of couples argue over which side of the bed they want to sleep on.
The reasons cited for preferring a particular side include such things as having a better view of the TV, being closer to personal belongings, or having proximity to a larger amount of floor space.
Obviously, the study did not include anyone over 50, because if it had, the overriding criteria for side selection would be closeness to the bathroom.
Another point the study failed to address is whether the side of the bed you sleep on is connected to the side of the bed you get up on.
Anyway, given that this was a real stupid study, I decided to move on and maybe do something on the petition that is circulating urging Macy's to end its marketing relationship with Donald Trump.
Now this, I thought, has potential because I find Trump to be a bad-hair billionaire, bully, blowhard, bloviating, butt-head, bar none, and on top of this it would allow me to write the longest non-stop alliteration of my career.
While I was pleased as punch over my Trump trashing talking (help, I've fallen into alliteration and I can't stop), I kept thinking about the dumb side-of-the-bed thing, which led me to the subject of happily married couples who have separate bedrooms.
According to this one article I read, something like 24 percent of married couples sleep apart, and that the major reason people give for having separate bedrooms is to avoid dealing with a partner who has sleep-inhibiting habits like jimmy legs or a snore that sounds like he's calling hogs.
But back to the leaves: Maybe there should be a law making everyone responsible for raking the leaves that fall from their trees regardless of where they land.
Tell me that wouldn't be a sound sensible solution to a serious seasonal situation.
Um, I may need professional help.
