I'm worried.
I'm going to Florida in a few weeks and I don't know what to expect. I've never been there before.
In fact, in all my years I have never escaped to a warm weather place during winter, unless you count the time I went to Atlantic City.
To be honest, I feel like I'm betraying my New England roots by not sticking it out through the entire winter. Will there be consequences? Once I've sold out will I appreciate spring as much: the crocus, the first robin, the potholes?
Although I'm only going to be gone for five days, will that be long enough to turn me soft? I don't want to come back as one of those people who wear a shawl around the house and puts sweaters on the dog.
Another of my concerns is that I have always made fun of people who fled to Florida for the winter. What if I run into these snowbirds? Will they mock me? Will they hold me against my will and force me to send postcards to people back in Connecticut? Will I be able to escape them by eating out late at night, say 6:30?
Seriously, I don't know how I'm going to avoid sticking out. I mean, I'll arrive with a skin tone that would make a vampire look like Donald Trump. OK, maybe not as orange, but you know what I mean.
And I'll also have the mid-winter look going on too, you know the chapped lips, the vacant eyes, the nose drip. What do I wear to fit in? Should I go out and buy a white belt and shoes?
The more I think about this mini vacation the more questions I have.
Is the Florida warmth going to be a problem? I'll be leaving in 20-degree temperatures and a few hours later stepping off a plane and into a 70-degree scorcher. What are my chances of suffering heat stroke?
How about the flu? Will my flu shot be too strong for Florida, where people don't spend most of their time confined inside with human virus incubators incapable of covering their mouths when they hack?
Oh, and let's not forget snakes? I was just reading where Florida has an infestation of boa constrictors. I'll tell you right now if I even see a garter snake I'm on the first plane back.
Finally, there is the other major fear I have about visiting Florida. What if I like it? That would make my entire life a lie.
