BIGFOOT’S LAIR
1. OKLAHOMA CITY (32-8) Playing Clippers before Lakers this week is like taking on varsity before the JV. (1)
2. CLIPPERS (32-9)
Paul, Griffin to Lakers counterparts at All-Star Game: “Funny seeing you here.” (2)
3. MIAMI (26-12) LeBron James leaves rest of NBA feeling 20,000 leagues under the sea. (4)
4. SAN ANTONIO (32-11) It’s hard to beat Spurs with that beast in the frontcourt. You know, Tiago Splitter. (3)
UNICORNS FROLICKING IN THE BROOK
5. NEW YORK (25-13) Knicks polish off afternoon tea before scarfing down Pistons in London. (5)
6. GOLDEN STATE (24-15) Team policy of muffling injured players has Lane Kiffin’s seal of approval. (6)
7. MEMPHIS (26-13) Focus can go back to ribs instead of ribbing after three-game losing streak ends. (7)
8. INDIANA (25-16) Nowheresville team could have a pair of All-Stars in Paul George and David West. (8)
9. BROOKLYN (24-16) Condolences to statistician Herb Turetzky, who worked 1,200th straight game. (13)
10. ATLANTA (22-18) Lou Williams’ knee injury is anything but sweet for already shorthanded Hawks. (9)
A SPRINKLING OF FAIRY DUST
11. CHICAGO (23-16) Fantasy players can continue to dream about Carlos Boozer blocking shots. (10)
12. DENVER (24-18) Making only 68.1% of their free throws, Nuggets seek tips from Dwight Howard. (12)
13. HOUSTON (21-21) You have multiple problems: A) Defense. B) Turnovers. C) Free throws. (11)
14. BOSTON (20-19) No need for an SI players poll to know Kevin Garnett is one unpopular dude. (15)
15. PORTLAND (20-20) Trail Blazers’ season quickly going from a feel-good story to never mind. (14)
PAGING SIDD FINCH
16. MILWAUKEE (21-18) “Strange Brew” was still in dollar theaters last time Bucks won in Phoenix. (16)
17. UTAH (22-19) As usual, Jazz find energy, solutions in a crowd-bolstered home win over Heat. (17)
18. LAKERS (17-22) Coming off the bench regularly might turn power forward into Pout Gasol. (19)
19. MINNESOTA (17-20) New slogan: Focused on the future (have you seen our past and present?). (18)
20. DALLAS (17-24) Dirk Nowitzki’s shooting is so off he would leave a county fair empty-handed. (22)
21. PHILADELPHIA (17-23) Andrew Bynum could return just in time to keep 76ers out of prime lottery spot. (20)
EVERY DAY IS A BLAIR WITCH PROJECT
22. TORONTO (14-26) Raptors to NBA referees: We don’t need your help to lose games. (21)
23. ORLANDO (14-25) Hoping schedule takes tougher turn after losing six straight to sub-.500 teams. (23)
24. DETROIT (14-25) At least London trip moved Pistons closer to next tier of frequent-flier status. (24)
25. SACRAMENTO (16-25) Maloofs running only slightly ahead of McCourts in poll of most reviled owners. (25)
26. NEW ORLEANS (13-27) Eric Gordon proving to be worth the extended wait for surging Hornets. (26)
27. PHOENIX (13-28) Yikes! Alvin Gentry had better winning percentage in final season with Clippers. (27)
28. CHARLOTTE (10-30) Ten wins for this franchise is not so much a benchmark as a season’s work. (28)
29. CLEVELAND (10-32) Luke Walton is less likely to return to Staples Center than Phil Jackson. (29)
IT’S COMPLICATED, LIKE MANTI TE’O’S RELATIONSHIP STATUS
30. WASHINGTON (8-30) Winning three of four games for Wizards does nothing but hurt lottery odds. (30)
