A caller pointed out to me that on the day I announced the latest Eat Your Way Through Musikfest contest and my own plans to chow down for the 16th consecutive year, the next page of the newspaper contained a full-page ad with the following headline:
"Abdominal fat reducer provided to Hollywood stars by famous plastic surgeon now available to public."
Actually, Dr. Frank Ryan, "perhaps the most famous Hollywood plastic surgeon in recent times," is dead, according to the ad. But he was hell on fat before he "died in a tragic car accident on the Pacific Coast Highway near his ranch in Malibu." Best of all, he left behind these great pills to turn guys like me into Michael Phelps, all while we're continuing to eat pork rinds and nachos.
A posthumous Nobel Prize may be in the offing.
Losing inches from my waist is the last thing on my mind as I venture forth to scout some of the best food Musikfest has to offer, eat it in disgusting quantities and combinations and report back to you on its quality and price.
There was a time when I made a priority of achieving new heights every year in money spent and food consumed, but I've abandoned that idea here in the September of my years. Last year I spent $65, which translates into 130 tickets. If I can run up a total that even approaches that and remain mostly upright for the next six hours, I'll consider myself extremely fortunate. What follows will be my journal, written as I go along.
First, a couple of quick reminders. You can win a handsome I Ate My Way Through Musikfest With Bill White T-shirt by visiting The Morning Call booth at Plaza Tropical, picking up a game card, eating at the seven vendors listed there and getting your card stamped before Musikfest ends. We'll also have a live chat on morningcall.com at noon Wednesday, so stop by then to discuss Musikfest and your favorite foods. And I'll be at The Morning Call tent 5-7 p.m. Wednesday and Saturday.
OK, I'm off. In honor of the Olympics, I'll be eating an international array of dishes and awarding medals:
12:09. Bifana Portuguese Pork Sandwich (Portugal), Holy Infancy's Melting Pot, Plaza Tropical. I can't believe I never had one of these before. It's a big, juicy sandwich with moist chunks of pork and peppers. I added a bit of garlic sauce. Fantastic. Gold Medal. Cha-CHING. Seventeen tickets or $8.50.
12:19. Twelve-ounce bowl of Crab Bisque (France), Windsor Deli, Festplatz. I like the pirate theme here, which inspired me to write like a pirate, me proud beauty. Arrggghh, it be not bad, matey. Bronze Medal. Cha-CHING. Eight tickets or $4.
12:35. Blackened Scallop Kabobs (New Jersey), Jonathan's Harbor, Volksplatz. These were perfect, captured in Cape May, N.J., and blackened with Cajun spices for just the right amount of heat. Gold Medal for sure. Cha-CHING. Eighteen tickets or $9.
12:45. Blue Raspberry Sno-Cone (Iceland), Apple Frankie's, Volksplatz. My mouth was hot, and this cup was brimming with ice. Bronze Medal. Cha-CHING. Seven tickets or $3.50.
1:00. Deep Fried Milky Way (Outer Space), D&J Concessions, Plaza Tropical. I've had deep-fried Twinkies, Oreos, Kool-Aid and Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, and this was my second favorite after the Twinkies. Melted chocolate and filling inside a deep-fried shell. What's not to like? Silver Medal. Cha-CHING. Ten tickets or $5.
2:02. Chicken Fajita (Mexico), Take a Taco, Main Street. I think Take a Taco's stuff is great, so it's about time I eat something there as part of this annual stunt. This dish was full of chicken, onions and peppers, prepared to perfection. Gold Medal. Cha-CHING. Sixteen tickets or $8.
2:28. Belgian Waffle (Belgium), Bethlehem Dairy Store, Festplatz. At least once in our lives, all of us make a really bad decision. Mine was to precede my annual beer with a Belgian waffle, which turned out to be the size of a small pony. I have no idea how I fought my way through all those layers of whipped cream, strawberries, ice cream and waffle, but I can tell you that it's very good and immensely filling. Much as I'm hurting, I still give them a Gold Medal. Cha-CHING. Twelve tickets or $6.
2:50. Sixteen ounce Yuengling (Schuylkill County), Festplatz. In spite of my delicate condition — I feel like I'm about to give birth — I stubbornly went ahead and had this beer. Cha-CHING. Ten tickets or $5, Then I slumped at a table in the polka tent. The breeze felt surprisingly cool, so I closed my eyes for just a moment and ...
4:30. ...regained consciousness at the Project M teen venue at City Hall, where the kids were using my inert body as a skateboard ramp. Once they were finished, I dusted myself off and headed for the bus to SteelStax.
5:40. Beef Taco Salad (Mexico), Cactus Blue, Aetna Americaplatz at Levitt Pavilion Steelstacks. I know this is another Mexican venue, but I let my daughter eat most of my taco salad here last year — she thought I was in imminent danger of collapse — and I wanted to do it myself this time. It was tasty and substantial, in a big fried tortilla bowl. Gold Medal. Cha-CHING. Eighteen tickets or $9.
5:52. Thirty-two ounce Fresh-Squeezed Lemonade (Who Knows), Aetna Americaplatz. It was cold and wet. Bronze Medal. Cha-CHING. Eleven tickets or $5.50.
My grand total of 127 tickets or $63.50 fell just short of my record, but, like Michael Phelps in his final relay, I'm happy with my gold medal performance, and I feel surprisingly good.
I'll reduce my abdominal fat tomorrow. Today, I'm an Olympian.
bill.white@mcall.com 610-820-6105
Bill White's commentary appears Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays.
